Buy Anything Day

by on November 24, 2007

Posted in: Uncategorized

If you participate in the international version of Buy Nothing Day today, you hate America. Maybe you like shopping, but you don’t like big crowds or the adrenaline rush of getting the last parking spot, and so you cower in your home all day waiting for the lines to go down while secretly doing all of your shopping online. But you still hate America.

On the other hand, if you participate in Buy Nothing Day because you think that you are upholding the true spirit of the holidays, you hate America and you didn’t pay attention to Jesus. Remember Jesus said, “It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven (Luke 18:25)”. So unless you have a tiny camel or a big fucking needle, you best go out and spend all of that money that this glorious nation has passed on to you so that by the time you die, you are not as rich as the man behind you. And think of the children; for every pair of shoes that you don’t buy, there is a Chinese family that won’t get a serving of rice for the day.

And in terms of holiday spirit, forget about it. The entire holiday season stems from pagan beliefs and Harry Potter stories so if you don’t shop the entire time, you might get struck down by Zeus the god of consumption and globalization. My advice? Why try to put something back into the holidays that was never there in the first place? Just because you’re out shopping doesn’t mean that you can’t be full of holiday spirit; with all of that human interaction you’re bound to get the opportunity to open the door for someone, or help an old lady carry her bags to the car or let that other car cut you off. The people that would have you believe that the process of not shopping will somehow save your soul are the same people that would rather have you save your money to put in the coffer when it comes around to your pew. It’s not how much you shop, it’s simply how you shop that matters. So get out there, buy this new ridiculously hot American Apparel dress:

and get yourself a new pair of shoes, but be full of holiday spirit the entire time. Go America.

Amy Winehouse – Fuck Me Pumps (Mylo remix)(zshare)