by on November 25, 2019

Posted in: friendship, Music

Hey WRMC people. If you don’t know me, my name is C and I am the person that (with so much help) runs our station’s social media personas. I am a super senior feb, which means I will be graduating in fewer weeks than I really care to admit. 

I have discovered/named a new feeling recently, or I know this feeling already but now it’s coming from a new place and it feels different. You know that feeling you get when you are trying to decide if you want to ask your crush on a date? When you are unsure and hesitant and insecure and rash but panicky? It’s a lot like that feeling but this time I’m asking my loved ones if they would be interested in planning the next parts of our life with me.

And it turns out that, this feeling is even more deadly than crush stuff. It’s terrifying. At least it’s terrifying for me. Just when I thought nothing could be more terrifying than telling her that I have a crush on her.  It feels like being extremely vulnerable about how much I care about someone and like I am asking if they would take that as seriously as I do. Which really requires trust.

It’s the kind of thing that I was taught happened with one person. The person. But that isn’t what I am experiencing now and I am trying to lean into that. That I am serious because this is where the place that I have to go in life is taking me. And I don’t want to do it alone. Even if admitting that makes me scared.

but friend I am so glad I asked you. it’s been a while since I’ve seen you but it won’t be that way forever. and I want…I was talking with a friend of ours the other day about what I. I want you to be here again. and I want that to be true into the future

I never believed in that kind of thing. I felt like promising a future shouldn’t be the ultimate form of love because it discourages people from leaving when they want to. but—and I have said this is in so many other contexts—I think I now am trying to create a world where there is both

I want to think with you and go out to dance  and make food with you and figure out what we want to do about grad school and push each other and support you in things you do and get that from you

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